| It's here, the Dominion Singles Club, and it doesn't get any better. That's right, one amazing, limited edition extended play single comes mailed to your door EVERY month for a whole year!! Now let's say you have a crush on a girl/boy, and you want to let them know that you care... just buy them this lovely gift, and melt their heart (not recommended in absence of legal counsel's advice). Maybe you've worked really hard lately on something and you'd like to reward yourself, why, perfect!! And with Christmas coming up you really can't go wrong; buy one, buy two, but them for everyone you love and hate.
"I've joined Columbia House before, and all I got were crappy CDs I didn't like, is this like that?"
- Juan, computer programmer
Good question. The answer is NO. Let's look at why. First, Columbia House and other CD "clubs" offer you the ability to choose between hundreds of horrible CDs every month, by bands that you would like to fight. The only reason they're able to do so cheaply is because no one else wants them. Dominion, on the other hand, offers you no choice every month, because we only deal in good music. Plus we don't offer you a discount because that would be insulting, and the CDs are so cheap to begin with. Second, other CD clubs make their money primarily by sending you brutal music like the Goo-Goo Dolls Christmas and then suing you when you don't pay for it. Dominion, on the other hand, will never sue you, because we can't afford to.
"Okay, but can I still get some Red Hot Chili Peppers too? Their bassist is really funky."
- Juan, computer programmer
No.
"Is this for real? This whole website seems like some kind of weird joke. Really, is this for real?"
Yes Stacey, this is for real. If you send us real money you will get the real goods. If, on the other hand, you send us fake money, we will send you fake CDs that don't even sound like music.
"Wow, I'm convinced. You're handsome and of ample means. I'd love to join your singles club, what do I do?"
Do not forward your measurements, they will not be reviewed. Sorry. This is a CD singles club, based on music, you know? If you are looking for just a friend, a long-term commitment, or maybe a wild ride, you'll actually have to go outside and meet people. It's more difficult than just sending us money. If you'd like to join our sort of club, then here's the information you need...
First, you can start the club any time. So, while it began in earnest in October 2004, you could choose to begin your subscription in, say, April 2005 to coincide with the fiscal year. If we were a big corporation we would dub this mySub.com or something stupid like that.
Second, you must pay for your subscription. The rates are as follows:
One year: $70 (entirely double the half year price!!)
Half a year: $35 (fully one half of the full year price!!)
Finally, satisfaction is guaranteed!! If for any reason (excluding really bad reasons) you are unhappy with a month's installment Dominion will take your feedback and design a single expressly to please you. Try finding that level of commitment to customer satisfaction outside of a bath house, you just can't!!
Alas! You can no longer subscribe. For shame!
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